Tag Archives: rest

Me.

10 Sep

Me.

Originally uploaded by CleverGirlBek

This is me.

Today, and most days, my burst of energy is around 11am for around 45 minutes. Boyo is usually in school and misses it, he tends to see me at my lowest level of energy (he says “Mama’s energy is blinking red”…Lately everything relates to RockBand it seems…) and he’ll hang out with me in a temporary fort under the blankets and we have this funny little dialog back and forth before the bald guy comes and retrieves him and I hang out, sometimes plugged into the wall so my newest ‘betes gadget can recharge, usually with an earplug in my hand and sometimes crying because I just don’t have the energy these days to get much done and I’m so frustrated and it has moved beyond accepting that I need to adjust my expectations for the day into the endless frustration that getting out of bed in the morning exhausts me so much that I almost don’t make it out the bedroom door.

But I do what I can. I have learned to bring some work to bed with me. I am the queen of containers with little compartments. And I work on working smarter and putting systems into place so I have less to worry about and more time with my little guy.

Kiddo tells me “and then you’ll rest and your energy will be back in the green and you’ll be so happy to play again”…

If only a nap would move my energy I’d be soooooo grateful.

Anyway.
While I was resting today he went to his “office” (his room is set up Montessori style, in little compartments/rooms with 3 foot high walls) and made this for me. I think this is the first thing he has drawn specifically for me. I know this is some sort of a breakthrough, but I can’t get past the tears.

And then I have to explain to him why mama cries when she’s happy…
All of this is so confusing, but he just grabs me a wet wipe and orders me to blow my nose. Which makes me cry harder.

All I know for certain is that I am loved. Really, truly, purely loved.

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Wood You?

17 Jul

Logs Logs Logs

Originally uploaded by CleverGirlBek

Like to see my new vintage glass with the reflect-o-matic sterling silver treatment…Glows….

Trying to upload photos and descriptions for a few new pieces….

Anyway, I may be blogging more in the next few days… I have been stuck in bed for the most part all week. While it sucks that baldguy lost his job and our unemployment rate here is pretty miserable, it was good timing as he is keeping after boyo and fetching me provisions.

Something is very wrong in my back and I am trying to figure it out…
I had a big bad emergency spine surgery 12 years ago and the pain is near there…. I fear another infection or that perhaps the vertebrae are finally squashing some nerve… Anyway. It really freaking hurts.

But, I can stand still and type and I feel ok, for the most part….And I’m not a wuss. I have had pain every day for 12 years. But dull, achy pain is one thing, feeling like someone is chiseling into your spine and ribs (on just one side, thankfully) is another.

So here I am…

Had an hour and 15 minute long MRI this morning but won’t know anything until they decide to call me. Medicine is so lax down here it’s ridiculous, so I’m not holding my breath for an answer. When I had the parathyroid tumor two years ago the docs suggested we use a “wait and see” approach. I wound up doing a boat load of research and demanded the scan to see what was going on and then I found my own surgeon to schedule the surgery(Dr. Norman’s Parathyroid Clinic in Tampa- amazing surgeon…). Wait and see. Those things don’t just disappear- they are there and they cause problems until they are removed or you die from the freaking side effects (heart issues, digestive issues, liver issues…yikes!)… So I’m none too confident about my medical care here…If whatever this weird back thing is needs anything more invasive than an alcohol swab I’m heading north for a spell.  If this is another bone infection, I’m worried.  Last time they didn’t find it until I was in ICU, on all sorts of apparatus, in a coma.  No more comas for me, thank you very much.  One was more than enough! I have to be here for my little guy.

Anyway. Here I am….Trying to stay as still as possible while my brain wants to run around doing a happy dance because the new issue of BUST magazine is coming out next week and woohoo! one of my pieces is in the Etsy co-op ad. Yay! So buy a copy and check out all of the shops.

Ok. Going to grab some tea and go be as still as a rock in front of the TV.

Sorry for the kvetching. I’m in a good mood really I am!

Hugs, albeit very gently frame-y ones, all around…
xo
b

Found my voice…

18 May

Alas it is a little one…

Couldn’t speak above a whisper for 24 hours or so… Boy was worried…Kept climbing up on the bed to snuggle with me and waiting for me to speak and then would get so disappointed and say “Your voice isn’t big yet”…

The cool thing?  I could whisper from the bedroom when the boys were playing video games in the den(still want to call it the rumpus room. there is just something so hilarious and joyful sounding about “rumpus room”… ) and both of them would hear me. I didn’t even need to use the bell.

For 24 hour boyo listened to everything I said (thankfully his hearing is back since starting his antibiotics for the ear infection)…

The baldguy didn’t ask me to repeat anything. Which is amazing.  I think I said to him a couple of weeks, “I just want an hour where I don’t have to repeat anything. I’d save so much time and energy.”   So I guess I got my wish, even though I would rather not be in bed with a fever, in pain, and drifting in and out of consciousness….  Oh well, they still have to listen more carefully as my voice is not back full strength and I am stuck in bed, so they have to run the ship and because usually I’m the one who knows, they are having to be resourceful so as to not strain my voice or my energy… It’s amazing to watch and not as much of a disaster as I had imagined….(then again, I really haven’t left the master bedroom for 36 hours…)

Feel better….

17 May

Feel better balloons from boy…

Originally uploaded by CleverGirlBek

Started feeling more wheezy late last night and only slept an hour because my heart was racing…Went to the saturday clinic at my docs office and I have:
A kidney infection
An upper respiratory infection
Gastroenteritis (seems to have gone away but the kidney and respiratory infections are kicking my arse)…

So I’m on another course of antibiotics for the week….

I got home and hung out at the foot of my bed all day attempting to watch the Indiana Jones trilogy while baldguy entertains little guy.

All of a sudden this afternoon my voice disappeared. I can barely whisper and little guy is really worried.

Baldguy took little guy to Perkins for pancakes for dinner and little guy returned with a bunch of balloons to cheer me up.

How sweet is my kid? Hubby tied them to one of kiddo’s toy spatulas (he went through a kitchen utensil as a lovey phase so we have quite the selection) and then we tied bells to the spatula so I can ring for assistance when I need it (no voice + regular backpain + kidneys hurting + muscle spasms (electrolytes are off from the infections) + elevated heart rate from infection = getting out of bed is an event… so the boys are keeping me in rooibos tea refills (thanks Julie!) and warming up the heatpacks… I’m just happy I didn’t let this go another day or through the weekend. That’s a big problem with ‘betes – little issues can turn dangerous rapidly…. Although I did have symptoms most of last week that kicked my butt w-f, I should have just gone sooner… Oh well.

OK. Back to bed…. I’m finishing up season 1 of Family Ties… Good stuff, haven’t seen it since I was a kid… Definitely worth the revisit….

Gak.

14 May

No seriously. Gak.

Boy has pink eye and an ear infection and we think strep throat.  He is feeling better today but still can’t hear out of his infected ear very well.  Normally we have communication issues but this is ridiculous and then some.

Hubby home from work with a nasty bug.

I finally came down with the fever and sore throat part this evening.  My sugars seem to be ok- not great but not totally resistant so I’m guessing I have a virus but the numbers will tell by tomorrow if I need to head to the docs… Until then I’m drinking some tasty tea (Thank you Julie!) with a diet ginger ale chaser…

Going back to bed. Neato documentary/discovery channel thing on the Ice Hotel… Probably not the best thing to watch with chills….

Later…Hope everyone stays healthy and happy…

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