Tag Archives: parenting

The Meticulous Choreography of Improvisation

13 Jul

I found this on thautcast.com: “What I Can Do Is Pretend To Be You”. It’s an Aspergian’s reflections on a life focused on passing, focused on perfecting “the character” others want us to portray. My first three-plus decades felt like this. I remember having to do an improv scene in the mandatory high school theater class and I just couldn’t grasp how to make improv work. Now I know that nearly every moment of my life was strictly scripted, with rationed moments of improvisation to perpetuate the illusion of flexibility and the words and looks that suggested that I was just a freak and not fitting in on purpose, and not possibly because of anything organic, formed in me before words and judgments and comparisons.

I struggled with that for years, as I tend to fixate on the things I can’t do, or can’t do well (training from my youth, when things were forever paraded about with labels regarding shortcomings, comparisons to other people, and my intelligence).

I fixate, I hyper focus, for the sake of pursuing mastery and approval.

I should say, I fixated. I hyper focused.

I’m so much happier now, being myself.

The approval I seek is my own, and I’ve learned to be flexible in my criteria and the word and concept of perfection aren’t in my vocabulary except as a scar that serves as a reminder to buckle up or watch where you are going as next time a scar might not even have the opportunity to form over the wound.

I wish I had this piece, from Larkin Taylor-Parker, on a sandwich board to wear around people who refused to look at me and instead focused on what they felt I wasn’t willing to be, for those who saw just the failure and the gaffes and not the effort and considerable choreography applied to each moment, to pass even just a little…

Click the link to hop on over to thautcast. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece and the concept of “passing”.

On Autistic Passing: “What I Can Do Is Pretend to Be You” | thAutcast.com.

Happy Friday,

B

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22 Jun

Some good advice for creative folks… Though my problem isn’t angst as much as this energy and time deficit I keep adding too. So my big hurdles are numbers two and three… My recipe for reject is remembering that every art (even the most random wall hanging made of tampon applicators… see http://www.regretsy.com for some fantastic examples!) has an audience, and sometimes the problem isn’t your art, but it’s that you are presenting it to the wrong audience… Anyway, I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and underwhelmed (unfortunately, when they occur together they don’t negate each other. I wish they did.) as you could probably guess by my infrequent postings… I’m working on the “making it a habit” part of blogging and creating. I am, even though progress can be hard to gauge in such fascinatingly teensy scale.
Hope everyone is well!
Cheers,
Bek

Studio Mothers: Life & Art

Sometimes creative angst gets the better of us. How often do you find yourself thinking “I don’t have enough time,” or “My work’s not good enough,” or “I’ll never reach my creative goals”? Here are four simple ways to avoid those minefields and stay focused on what really matters: your creative work.

1. Turn rejection into affirmation. With practice, you can reframe rejection so that it actually affirms your creativity, rather than causes injury. Here’s how. Simply put, you can’t get rejected if you haven’t had the courage to send your work out into the world. And you can’t send your work out into the world if you haven’t reached a level of completion and polish that makes you believe your work has legs. And your work can’t have legs if you haven’t put yourself at your desk or easel or studio bench and actually done the work, for however…

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Ryan Gossling + Special Needs + Adventures In Extreme Parenthood = Awesome

16 Mar

Sunday, the brains and funny bone behind ExtremeParenthood.com, has struck comedy gold with her take on the whole Ryan Gosling Hey Girl meme thing….

Just clickety click and you’ll see what I mean.
Not a special needs parent? Click anyways. It’s good stuff, and we could always use another regular-needs parent aware that we go through so much with our kids and their special needs…So much so that we have to learn what equates to a new language, new culture, new pretty much everything and for some it’s a crash course, for others it’s more of a gradual immersing in the wild ocean waves and foam and errant riptides that can be parenting, but is more frequent in special needs parenting.

And I think you’ll laugh. Even if you don’t know what an IEP is or PECS are. And especially if you do….

Here’s the linkeydoo again…

xo
B

p.s. There are a pile of Ryan Gosling Memes and Ryan Gosling Meme-spired Offspring out there…

Two more favorites:

Hey Girl, It’s Rachel Maddow

Handmade Ryan Gosling

Sippy cups and speed humps.

17 Jan

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The view from here…. I feel this nearly insatiable need to update that is stifled by an equally huge drive to rest these bones and ping around in my own squash.

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Once I finally have the energy and ability to share and get it out from between these two ears I start hitting speed bumps and backing things up, back to a calm place where I can hit pause and know I’ll be coming back to that place, that thought that needed sharing… Well, I can’t back up anymore because I know I will be blocked from getting back to what i needed and wanted to do. So I shove forward as much as I can.  Each day I hit a wall too soon in my day, there are tears, and the anger deep in my bones threatens to float up from the steel piles driven deep into the muck, where I tether it daily, knowing I need to hone existing skills and forge some new ones before I can let them float off on the tide instead of using my reserves on big gulps of air to sink them once again, tethering them deeper each time.

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Ok. That picture has nearly nothing to do with anything.

Maybe.

I mean, two folkloric and beloved characters from childhood… Sunk in a giant human-head sized hermetic seal glass jar… ok, ok. I know…

Anyway, my wrists and hands are hollering. This typing one handed thing is just miserable.  I miss the comfort of my homing keys and the soft clackety-clack.

More soon…
B

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If Public Opinion Penned an Autism Diagnosis…

6 Dec

La-la-la-love this!

I don’t know a single parent of a kid on the spectrum that hasn’t heard at least one of these!

Have anything to add?  Post ’em in the comments please!

xo

B

Here’s the link:

If Public Opinion Penned an Autism Diagnosis… | Autism & Oughtisms.

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