Tag Archives: Parenting, Kids, Etc…

Hugs and Kisses

1 Feb

XO

Originally uploaded by CleverIndie

Update: Kiddo seems to be doing a little better…. He seems out of his shell, but operating at a more immature level than we are used to (selective hearing… pretending it’s opposite day ’round the clock…Not answering questions…somewhat hyperactive compared to baseline)… I guess time will tell… Starting a new schedule for him tomorrow that will hopefully help him. Feeling the pressure to bring in info for school but at the same time don’t want to overwhelm his teachers… That and all of a sudden he’s rejecting the idea of bringing his weighted vest(he calls it his huggyvest) to school, so I need to dig deeper on that one and I need to write out a comprehensive (but not overwhelming) sheet on it so it isn’t used inappropriately… Ideally I would like the teachers to suggest that he use it and leave it up to him… It’s not weird looking with his clothes- it actually matches his uniform and doesn’t look weirdly therapeutic… When he got it last summer he didn’t want to wear it to school because he didn’t want the other kids to feel bad that they don’t have one… Hopefully this is still the case… I’ll update the blog this week with a breakdown of his “toolkit”…

Anyway, Happy Superbowl Sunday!

I’m making my famous chili…Some ingredients are so secret that I forget them, so it’s a long process…. I don’t use a recipe. I wing it, build the flavors, tweak the ingredients… It’s an epic meditative cooking experience.. But I recruited kiddo and hubby to remember to stir it every few minutes so I can still rest… Feeling pretty crummy as I’m sweeter than I should be… Nothing is working the same way twice with my diabetes these days, so I’m learning on my feet…Dreading my visit to the endocrinologist this week as I am still mad about the dexcom (he prescribed it even though it’s contraindicated in regards to my other prescriptions, and I want those other prescriptions back!) and last time he told me “Diabetes isn’t hard to control”….Ahhh spoken like a non-d person…. We shall see..

Back to the pretty picture….

The image shows shrinky dink hearts that has/is an occupationally therapeutic project. We are making Valentine cards for school (he loves hearts…hearts and starts are his favorites, but he sees a heart and says “a heart means love” and smile this sweet little smile…)…

So, he used his muscles and hand eye coordination to punch the shrinky dink hearts out using the giant hole puncher. When his arms and hands got tired he worked on his balance and stepped on the hole punch… Thankfully, those silicone baking mats are awesome for projects such as these- a little cushioning and a little non-slip grip…

Then he wrote xo on them which involved planning ahead for spacing…

Then we baked ’em up and he sat in front of the oven giggling like a madman as the hearts curled up and popped like jumping beans before shrinking completely and flattening out….

Next step? I think we have had a request for glitter… I’ll post an update when they are fully sparkly…

Until then….

xo

Bek

I love you with all of my…

22 Jan

I always wanted to make sure my child would know that I love all of him.  There are no conditions on my love for him.

I did not have that sense when I was growing up and I was told more than once that the parental love I was receiving was completely and utterly conditional. This is not an assumption, on my part, but a spoken fact. “My love for you is not unconditional”.

Anyway, I love my little boy unconditionally.

When I was pregnant with Alex, we had an ultrasound that indicated almost every marker for various chromosomal abnormalities, some of which are incompatible with life.

While we waited the three long weeks for the results of the amnio we sat and we thought. I cried. I think that almost six years later I am still a little dehydrated from those three weeks.  I couldn’t speak to anyone, not even my husband, Alex’s dad.  I did speak to my mother before the fear and sadness really sunk into my bones, and while I explained and broke down, I was called stupid and told that the only option was to terminate the pregnancy and that I shouldn’t be cruel, I should do it immediately and not wait for the amnio results. She ordered me to stop crying because the chromosomal abnormalities were my fault (unconfirmed abnormalities at this point, unrelated to any available family history or parental health conditions) and that I should accept my role as parent and terminate rather than make this child suffer further.

Between the tears, and the long naps, and the anger, I did some research.  This time period really defined me- the mom.  Everyone hopes and everyone dreams and most prepare for a healthy, perfect baby.  We all know that doesn’t always happen.  We all know that the best laid plans are frequently rerouted, rewritten, torn up completely and replaced by newer dreams that are sometimes shinier in very hidden, and very arduous ways.  This was when I learned that love doesn’t mean caring for someone in health only, which is a lesson I had learned first-hand years before, but it took this to understand the enormity of become a parent, the hopefully never-ending-ness of it.  And I learned that from both sides of the loved one and caregiver relationship during those few months, and since, in sometimes joyful and occasionally heart-smashing ways. I have learned to pick up the smashed pieces and reconnect them in new ways, a crazed mosaic of hopes, dreams, and love.

I realized that my parents were the one who could not accept damaged goods, damaged people.  I realized that my ability to love was not destroyed by the love that was conditionally given and taken during my 27 years (at that time).  It was then that the tears dried up (briefly, I am an emotional gal) , I pulled on my fleece slippers (my ankles were swollen, I couldn’t wear my combat boots or my ass kicking heels), and we figured out our plans. We figured out our formulas, our conditions, for how we would handle the information that the amnio would return to us.  It had everything to do with unconditional love and respect.

In a few months that revelation will reach it’s 6th anniversary.  The scare, the waiting, the distress, the crash course in everything from DNA to femur length to a parent’s love for their child, was an accident.  It was a terrible accident, due entirely to a scheduling error, as the test that set off the need for the amnio, and the horrible waiting, was scheduled too early.   I am grateful, though, that we were forced to define the why of our desire to become parents.  That ‘why’ still guides me when trying to determine our next step in helping Alex and helping our family, it is my personal mission statement, my grand goal for my parenting of Alex (which I will share in another entry, at another time).

Everyone says, before they have kids, that they will parent differently… I’ll never this, and I’ll never do that… The errors of my parents, so clear in my current year, are grand and horrible and shocking. I know I will and have already made mistakes that perhaps Alex will remember or only notice when he is in his thirties. But my hope is that he will know that I am human, and flawed, but that everything I did, I did with unconditional love for him, all of him.  I will never allow a day to pass without letting my kid know that I love him. No matter what.  I will never judge him based on what he cannot do, or punish him for his quirks, or demand that he behave more like so-and-so’s child (who is not Alex, not in any physical, cognitive, or emotional way).  I will provide the encouragement and support that he will try without fearing failure to such a paralyzing extent that he cannot try, so that he will have opportunity to succeed (can’t have one without the potential for the other).

Ok, onto the picture of the day…. With his PDD/Asperger’s, Alex is fairly inflexible regarding many things- word usage is a big one.

I have always told him, “I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my brains too”. He giggles at this and replies “Brains!” in a way that is a little unnerving in a darkened bedtime room, coming from a kid who has never even seen anything zombie related (although we do have the Zombie Survival Guide, which was one of the funniest and coolest baby gifts from a dear friend. Thanks Ig!).  A little over a year ago I started replacing “brains” with other words, I do this sometimes to see if he is paying attention, and also to show him that a little flexibility can be funny and sweet and not distressing.  It’s best to do this sort of thing when he’s all blissed out on bedtime stories, lullabies, and good night kisses.

“….and all of my cranes too”

“…and all of my trains too”

“…and all of my drains too”

And he has always corrected me.

After school today, he played with his old Brio trains for a long time (so long that I went to check on him and his dad, as in our home “don’t worry unless you don’t hear anything” is part of our parental code)…

I had retired to the bedroom with my laptop and some tea and was typing away when I saw him at the door.

Trains

He had an armful of trains.

I put the laptop aside and he dropped a pile of trains on the bed with me.

“Mama,” he said “I love you with all of my trains.”

He was so proud and so happy. He is so literal and wonderful.  I was trying to help him and really he found a way to meet me in my goofiness.  In my heart I know he is still protesting my playful use of incorrect words and terminology, but that he ran with it, for just a moment, and put his own special signature on it.  And that gives me hope and strength and a warm, happy heart.

At the end of the day, it’s not about what we don’t have or about a loss of dreams.

It’s about the heart, the soul, the brains, and most definitely trains.

xo

Bek

Inspiration is everywhere

17 Jan

Even in the joy of a new style of underpants…. This is boy’s response to boxer shorts (he was previously a boxer-briefs, underoos sort of a guy before this)….

Enjoy!
xo
Bek

ADDitudes…

14 Sep

It’s ADHD awareness week… (ADD is grouped in with ADD…Even for those of you that definitely lack the “H”)..

There are many, many fabulous resources in cyberspace covering many different aspects of ADHD…From many different angles…

One of the best jumping off points for info on living (as a person with it, or a person with ADHD kids, or spouse, etc) with it can be found at ADDitude

Another great resource is CHADD but for me ADDitude is much more anecdotal, accessible, and informative for my learning style and our family issues (all three of us have ADHD/ADD…You probably knew that about me just by reading my blog- even the non-ADD specific entries!)…    I do use any and all resources I can get my hot little hands on though…

Oh and ADDitude has some wonderful printables to help with organization/scheduling/practical stuff as well as fact/suggestion sheets on many topics within the scope of ADHD/ADD…

The Boy, The Brain, and The Money.

9 Aug

For weeks boyo has been asking for a “coin catalog” for his birthday. Specifically: a yellow coin catalog.

I have been scratching my head on this one… A little giddy because he seems to be taking an interest in something non-digital… A little confused as, while he loves his piggy bank/money jar, he really has no understanding of money, and I have no idea where this interest might have come from. There was an episode of The Simpson’s where Bart and Homer take up coin collecting, but boy doesn’t have much of an interest in “Spongebob” (we think that he thinks that The Simpson’s is a spinoff from “Spongebob Squarepants”….It’s the jaundiced coloring, me thinks….)…

Strolling through the web today I found the McMaster-Carr book of wonder. Eureka! The boy wants to make stuff! My little engineering genius… Always trying to figure out how things work, now he wants to make things work… Woohoo!

He did concur that he would like the McMaster-Carr catalog, as would I.

Then he told me that the yellow coin catalog in question has a screen…

Off to search again…
On Amazon.com we played around and he expressed that this “catalog” had a sorting function, so we browsed coin sorters and finally found one with a screen.

Boy wants a toy bank ATM….

A few more questions later and I found out that an ATM (even a real one at a bank) is, to boy, a catalog.

Here’s how they work:
You insert your card
You order your items (in this case, cash) by pressing the buttons
The ATM prints your money to order, when it dispenses it, it is “shipping” your order….

Hence, it is like a catalog.

He is so happy we finally figured it out. So are we.

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