Tag Archives: mother

Alive and Chicken.

26 Mar

(misheard song lyric)

Just a quick update to let everyone know that I am still here, but energy has been spewing everywhere but the blog! I’m caught mid-xfer…Trying to move everything to typepad, but don’t have the energy to reformat posts and deal with the tagging/category translation screwup… Soooo… I’m still here…Still updating here… Posting occasional photos over there… Trying to decide if I should separate my art and my adventures in healthcare and parenting, but at the same time they all co-exist, maybe not so happily all the time, but I never intended for this blog to be a pristine studio portrait, I wanted it to be a pile of polaroids, fingerprints on the lens and all…So I am still on the fence…Will announce the big move more officially soon.

The universe just keeps dropping traffic cones and those Bob’s barricades hurdle-y mini-fence things (pylons?) everywhere I turn…Just enough so I can put up my arms and say “why!” but then it dumps piles of paper in those outstretched arms, honey gets somehow dumped over my head, and then the freaking universe turns a fan on. A FAN! What the #*@&? (see I have been working on my potty mouth)

Wish I could handle all of this with zen like grace and a serene moon-like glow, wish I could post an entry about managing stress, illness, parenting a special needs kid, financial drama at homeplate, and how it’s all a great big fabulous TA-DA! learning experience, but we all know that when you are eyeball deep n the big steamy, chunky stew that insight will happen eventually, learning may be around the corner, but right now you’ve got to grab on to that carrot wheel and kick because your life, or at the very least your sanity, depend on it.

No really. I’m ok. I am. or at least I will be.

*insert primal yell here* (yeah, not really me…maybe that should read *insert slightly operatic and comedic bellow*)

Huge hugs all around…
xo
B

Pop-up Love!

18 Feb

Valentine’s gift

Originally uploaded by CleverIndie

Alex and Jeff made me a pop-up book for Valentine’s Day!

I can only imagine the amount of effort both of them had to conjure up to complete this treasure…. They both worked so hard…

Mama & Me

This is Mama & Me. We do fun stuff together. (the pulltab makes us stir the pot on the stove together)....

My Mama is brave.

My Mama is brave.

My Mama is smart. (pulltab makes a lightbulb appear over my head)

My Mama is smart. (pulltab makes a lightbulb appear over my head)

She gives hugs and kisses.

She gives hugs and kisses.

Mama is the best mama in the world!

Mama is the best mama in the world!

copyright Alex 2009

copyright Alex 2009

Am I the luckiest mama in the world? I think I must be!

Best Gift Ever.

25 Dec

Best Gift Ever.

Originally uploaded by CleverGirlBek

This morning we opened our presents.

These are two rocks that were lovingly wrapped (with enough tape to keep Fort Knox secure) in brown kraft paper and twine with little jingle bells (so the boys would know if I was being sneaky)…

One says “Mama”
One says “Alex”

I asked Alex what they mean and he said,
“Mama Rocks!”

Wow.

The Truth Freaking Hurts.

24 Sep

For the past few weeks I’ve been having mega-low energy.  Lower than usual.

Because I haven’t been the most physically active Mama over the past few weeks (or rather less physically active than usual because my energy is low and my muscles aren’t obeying lately) I have been trying to make time for kiddo combined with a little rest…We are trying a more structured afternoon here, so having this sort of Mama and kiddo time of any sort seems to be just what kiddo and I needed…

This week so far I am feeling a little better and actually getting around the house a little easier and even took some new photographs, reorganized some work trays, and plotted some other things I need to do on my calendar…  So, I took a little quiet work with me so I could get something done while I was mildly alert and while boyo was eating his snack, while we both watched a movie…

Half way through the movie, kiddo started rearranging my work tray, as my work wasn’t making a pattern and he needs patterns…. I asked him to please stop and he said he wanted to help me with my work so I wouldn’t have to work so much.

I felt like such an arse.  I haven’t been working that much but I do most of my work when he is getting home from school as the morning is a bizarre game of fatigue just running me down.  I wake up. I get out of bed. I go to the kitchen to make tea.  Before it is ready I have to go sit down on the bed but I barely get there because my limbs are too worn to propel me.  This goes on for a couple of hours. Once the 2 cups of tea and the diet dr. pepper kick in along with my ADD meds, I usually have around 2 hours to do whatever I have to do.  This is going to make me lose my last marble.  I went through similar fatigue in January and I stopped taking on new custom work.   I hope this fades faster as I really do miss being at least mildly productive and I miss the interaction, the dance, that is the custom process….

Anyway, I was talking to kiddo and I asked him if he likes spending movie time with me in the afternoon (his dad is doing the active and more focused work with him) and he said he did.   As it turns out he wants to spend more time with me and doesn’t feel like I have spent time with him.  I get this, I do. I understand it.  The balance is elusive for moms who are healthy.

I asked him if he remembers spending time together when he was a very little guy and he said he did. I asked if we had fun and he told me that we went to the doctor’s office.  He is right, we were in doctor’s offices for his stuff and my stuff, at least twice a week for his first few years.  But that broke my heart.  His most vivid memories of me from his earlier years were in doctor’s offices, and going to sleep at the hospital and waking up with the booboo on my neck.   These things make him very sad. He told me he is worried.  “About what?” I asked. “About you” he replied.  I replied, “that’s funny, I was worrying about you!”…And then I broke down.

I guess somewhere, deep down, I was hoping that maybe he wouldn’t remember.  Or that those things were our normal wouldn’t bother him so much.  But they do.  And they bother me too.

Friday.

18 Apr

Baldguy back tomorrow.

Boy totally freaked out about the whole thing… So he’s back to talking about his little travel alarm/cd player/nature sounds radio that broke 2 years ago… It’s his defense mechanism…

Just exhausted and in need of quiet.  I keep giggling though because I keep thinking of Edina’s Iso-tank from AbFab.  Haven’t watched that in years.  I remember when I realized that I had matured too much and it was the point where I stopped laughing at AbFab.  Odd what makes you really re-evaluate.

Don’t worry that realization made me chill the frick out, back to a more reasonable and still a bit goofy level.

Anyway. Off to do some shuffling of stuff.  Need to release surfaces of their clutter oppressors….

Need space.

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