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Derailure to Communicate.

27 Feb

Interrobang!?*

Pardon my puntification.

Sorry.  I just couldn’t stop.

I’m all done now.  Let’s carry on as though that didn’t happen.  Thank you.

I know a few folks who seem to be experts in this sort of derailing, and sometimes it can be difficult to determine if they are being unintentional asshats, are just not savvy in the realm of interpersonal communications, are intentionally gaslighting you (link to a fantastic piece on The Good Men Project), or are disordered something-paths or narcissists that only dwell in their own little realm of precision asshattery (or assmillinery.  Yes, I know a few that not only make their own hats but they trim, bedazzle, bejewel, and embroider their asshats to dazzle and confuse unsuspecting people trying to communicate and generally live with them.)

This is a fantastic piece that came to my attention, awhile back, courtesy of The Perorations of Lady Bracknell.  I am sharing this version, as it originally appeared and now, thankfully, appears on Bird Of Paradox.  The website, Derailing For Dummies, is back online, but I can’t seem to find this particular piece native on their site/blog.

I hope it brings some clarity and awareness of communication etiquette, be it your own or that of someone who is a serial derailor (derailetor?).

Even the most adept communicator can benefit from this gem.

Here’s the link:

Derailing For Dummies (reconstructed from Google Cache, by BirdOfParadox.Wordpress.com)

Cheers,

B.

*Stylized Interrobang ink by Matt Lackey at Howl Gallery Fort Myers, Florida.  I’ve had this for over a year.  I like the versatility of the interrobang.  I also have an asterisk to tell folks that there is more to my story.

22 Jun

Some good advice for creative folks… Though my problem isn’t angst as much as this energy and time deficit I keep adding too. So my big hurdles are numbers two and three… My recipe for reject is remembering that every art (even the most random wall hanging made of tampon applicators… see http://www.regretsy.com for some fantastic examples!) has an audience, and sometimes the problem isn’t your art, but it’s that you are presenting it to the wrong audience… Anyway, I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and underwhelmed (unfortunately, when they occur together they don’t negate each other. I wish they did.) as you could probably guess by my infrequent postings… I’m working on the “making it a habit” part of blogging and creating. I am, even though progress can be hard to gauge in such fascinatingly teensy scale.
Hope everyone is well!
Cheers,
Bek

Studio Mothers: Life & Art

Sometimes creative angst gets the better of us. How often do you find yourself thinking “I don’t have enough time,” or “My work’s not good enough,” or “I’ll never reach my creative goals”? Here are four simple ways to avoid those minefields and stay focused on what really matters: your creative work.

1. Turn rejection into affirmation. With practice, you can reframe rejection so that it actually affirms your creativity, rather than causes injury. Here’s how. Simply put, you can’t get rejected if you haven’t had the courage to send your work out into the world. And you can’t send your work out into the world if you haven’t reached a level of completion and polish that makes you believe your work has legs. And your work can’t have legs if you haven’t put yourself at your desk or easel or studio bench and actually done the work, for however…

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Ten Tips… An Autistic’s Advice

5 Dec
Tomato Tomato.  It's only different if you say it aloud.

Tomato Tomato. Lets Call The Whole Thing Off....Doesn't work so well when typed.

A fantastic list of 10 tips for teachers, that really should read:  Ten Tips for Everyone.    Every person that interacts with the world, in any way, shape, or form will come in contact with a person with autism at some point and probably more frequently than just once or twice.  For that matter, every person does come in contact with people with various disabilities, some of them “invisible disabilities”… So yes, everyone should read this and mentally slather it onto their brains as “Ten Tips to Mindfully Communicate With Your Fellow Humans, Especially the Ones Who Seem To Be A Little (or a lot) Off Center In What You Consider To Be ‘Normal'”. 

My apologies for using that “N” word.  Most of you know that I find that N word to be outdated, on an even keel day, and mythical on the other 364.

Clickety click the link below, and check out the tips.

Please comment below if there is anything you would add and if you have examples of people doing the opposite… Me thinks it helps to bridge the gap between us and them when we can share examples.  Too many of the folks not living with disability or a difference that impacts every single morsel of their lives, think that discrimination and just plain douchey behavior doesn’t happen anymore because “people know better” and “there are laws” and when we do share our stories with others we are often told that we just misunderstood or worse, that clearly we have a chip on our shoulder.  Gee. Thanks made-for-cable-TV movies and sitcoms. Stereotyping us as bitter-because-of-our-physical challenges or extra-sweet and gullible because of mental and emotional ones, either keeps folks away or lets them feel no guilt whatsoever when they slip on in and take advantage of us.

Those of us who live with “it” everyday know that the treatment of people with differences and disabilities is like Betty Crocker’s iconic female face.  The clothes have changed.  Makeup and hair have been updated.  But it’s still a box of cake mix.  Capisce?

Here, as promised way back in the beginnings of this post, is the link:

An Autistic’s Advice: Ten Tips for Teachers.

xo

B

Monday Monday…

28 Nov

Are you looking at my drawers?

The Tuesday Ten & Let’s Pretend (that I live in PST and not EST, so it’s not really Wednesday yet, ok?)

5 Oct

It’s official.  I’m declaring it here, so it’s not just rattling around in my head…

Every Tuesday  I am going to share 10 things/finds/random facts/ideas.

This will be the first official Tuesday Ten…

1.  Board of Education- very cool project on kickstarter that I really want to get funding so awareness can be raised about corporal punishment in the public school system.  Like the documentary filmmaker for this project, I was shocked when we moved from the Boston area (I was raised in the burbs of NYC) to Florida and discovered that corporal punishment is alive and well.

Any amount will help get this project made. Personally, I can’t wait for my nifty bumpersticker. I’m going to rock that message all around our little bible belt town! Here’s the link for the project on quickstarter:  Board of Education

2. Elephant Girl:  A Human Story by my friend, amazing person, and enchanting storyteller, Jane Devin.   This is her story, but parts of it feel like my story, and lots of reviewers have commented that it feels like their story.  Her voice is one of resilience and honesty, and that strength shines through some of the darkest moments.  Lots of folks seem to jump all over people who tell the truth about their journey because hardships, abuse, poverty, pain still seem to fall under that weird rug that’s been hanging around in many families for decades.  This isn’t a “whoa is me” story, it’s not about miracles or bitter derision of those who abuse other people, it’s a journey through the abraded rawness of Jane’s life and finding out who you are when you’ve never been allowed to be yourself before.  Great writing.  Check it out (it’s in paperback and on kindle…. Linkeydoo below puts a wee bit of money in the Alex & Mama Adventures piggy bank.)  Elephant Girl on Amazon.com

You can also check out some of her articles and blog entries over at JaneDevin.com

3. Herb & Dorothy are back!    I love the documentary Herb & Dorothy.  La la la la love it.  Well, the director of the first film is raising funds to make a follow up that follows Herb & Dorothy’s next adventure in paring down their collection by donating 50 pieces to museums in 50 states (for a total of 2500 pieces!).  I can’t get enough of these two… Amazing story about how you don’t have to be rich to collect and appreciate art.  Anyway, here’s the link for the original documentary. Herb & Dorothy
(available via streaming, for free, if you have the Amazon Prime thingy)

And here’s the Kickstarter link: Herb & Dorothy 50×50


4.  Tank.    I cannot resist sharing this one….  The look on the dog’s face is just priceless.  I watched this a few times today and I’m still laughing.  We need a doggo in our family.  We really do.  That won’t happen for a long time as first we have to dig ourselves out of the hole we have been sinking in since the baldone lost his job.  Once that happens, then we’ll have a puppy/dog/pet again. For now, I will keep trolling petfinder.com and sharing these endearing clips…

5.  Three Words….  I don’t know if this just flew over my head or under my radar, but I think the Three Words idea is pretty cool.  It lets people describe you with three words, it can be anonymous, and yes, you can delete anything you feel is offensive (from my understanding)… So, aside from the obvious “verbose”, what three words would you use to describe me?  ThreeWords.   Do you have a ThreeWords thing set up?  Have you tried it?  Please put your link in the comments and I’ll check it out!

6. Granola.  I made granola this week to help snuggle the earth a little bit more by reducing the packaged goods we use on a regular basis.  Barbara’s Bakery Oats and Honey Granola Bars are one of the few prepared, and relatively easy to come by, packaged/quick foods that Alex and I can eat and we love them.   We recently discovered that crunching them up while they are still in the wrapper turns the two planks of crunchy granola sweetness into a nice bowl of breakfast cereal.  This means that it was taking  12 boxes of Barbara’s granola bars (Amazon subscribe and save is huge for us…) to keep us in toasted oats.   I perused the webbynet and found a few recipes, they are all along the lines of “take oats, add liquid sweetener, add a little water, add oil of some sort, squish, squeeze, toss, mix and bake for the totally inadequate time of 25 minutes at 275F”… So, I adjusted… Played a little, added a pile of ground flax and a couple of handfuls of coconut flour to up the happy fats, fiber, and protein, and came up with what I thought was a pretty darn tasty alternative to all of those planks.  Alex does not like it.  We tried a new version and used maple syrup instead of orange blossom honey, which has a flavor I love but I think is a little too overtly floral for him.  Still, no dice.  But we did have some good messy fun squishing the ingredients together, and as it turns out, he likes the mixture raw.   I did order another case of the Barbara’s Granola Bars so we can keep adding them to his lunch box.

AND as it turns out, Alex’s other favorite food has been recalled!  Yikes!  Various Velveeta shells n’ cheeses. One of the very few things he will eat.  Thankfully, the recall is only on select lot numbers… Check it out: RECALL

7.  I think anyone on the conservative side of things needs to play this game:  SPENT

Even as a person who has lived some of the scenarios in the game, it was still interesting to play it and realize how financially mucked up things are right now for so many families, mine included.

8.  Manuel Rodriguez, the artist.  I’ve been familiar with Manuel Rodriguez’s etchings since I was a little kid in the late 70’s, standing on the couch in the den of our new home, and learning about human anatomy through some of the naked folks depicted.   Two of the etchings found their way into my possession and I’ve been going on insomniac google sprees trying to find out more information to insure or sell or keep the original etchings.   I found this article recently, and now I think I will hold onto them (though finances are dictating that these too must go, so if interested just drop me a line).   Pretty cool story about a 99 year old artist who revolutionized art in the Philippines, and taught a little kid that either in a framed etching, or in the flesh, nakey people are at the very least, at the same level without the constraints of jewels and clothing and labels….   Here’s the article

Most of my understanding of anatomy, during my childhood, was thanks to the etchings, some movies I probably shouldn’t have seen before my late teen years, and long walks at Robert Moses State Park with my parents, through the nakey beach.  Apparently I was overjoyed about it then, and would drop my suit the second I spotted another naked person.  This probably contributed to many of the horrible sunburns I had from head to toe nearly every weekend as a kid.

I also learned how to give the finger from his guy (super close up of one of the etchings):

This also explains why when I gave the finger as a child/teenager, I did it wrong.  Maybe this guy is just point up and thankfully using his hands. I don’t know.  I do know that my interpretation of things and my desire to adapt as a kid were not so compatible with the other kids.

9. Personal Grooming Mishaps!  There is a contest and a pile of funny stories!  I do think the prize should be some epic vajazzling instead of an open ended (ha!) gift certificate, but that’s just me and I’m both horrified and intrigued by the concept of vajazzling, kind of in the same way people cause rubbernecking when driving by car accidents.

I do wonder if the person who came up with the whole vajazzling thing was inspired by that joke about the woman going to the obgyn and using a glittery washcloth to tidy up…   Anyway… Next…

10. I’m going to have to come up with a different listing plan.  This only counts for day 4 of NaBloWriMo if I close my eyes and pretend really really hard that the time zones have changed and I’m now in Pacific Standard.   Gah!  I tried!

xo

B


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