The Meticulous Choreography of Improvisation

13 Jul

I found this on thautcast.com: “What I Can Do Is Pretend To Be You”.  It’s an Aspergian’s reflections on a life focused on passing, focused on perfecting “the character” others want us to portray.  My first three-plus decades felt like this.  I remember having to do an improv scene in the mandatory high school theater class and I just couldn’t grasp how to make improv work.  Now I know that nearly every moment of my life was strictly scripted, with rationed moments of improvisation to perpetuate the illusion of flexibility and the words and looks that suggested that I was just a freak and not fitting in on purpose, and not possibly because of anything organic, formed in me before words and judgments and comparisons.

I struggled with that for years, as I tend to fixate on the things I can’t do, or can’t do well (training from my youth, when things were forever paraded about with labels regarding shortcomings, comparisons to other people, and my intelligence).   I fixate, I hyper focus, for the sake of pursuing mastery and approval.  I should say, I fixated.  I hyper focused.  I’m so much happier now, being myself.  The approval I seek is my own, and I’ve learned to be flexible in my criteria and the word and concept of perfection aren’t in my vocabulary except as a scar that serves as a reminder to buckle up or watch where you are going as next time a scar might not even have the opportunity to form over the wound.

I wish I had this piece, from Larkin Taylor-Parker, on a sandwich board to wear around people who refused to look at me and instead focused on what they felt I wasn’t willing to be, for those who saw just the failure and the gaffes and not the effort and considerable choreography applied to each moment, to pass even just a little…

Click the link to hop on over to thautcast.  I’d like to hear your thoughts on this piece and the concept of “passing”.

On Autistic Passing: “What I Can Do Is Pretend to Be You” | thAutcast.com.

Happy Friday,

B

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2 Responses to “The Meticulous Choreography of Improvisation”

  1. gold account August 5, 2012 at 3:34 am #

    I found this on thautcast.com: “What I Can Do Is Pretend To Be You” . It’s an Aspergian’s reflections on a life focused on passing, focused on perfecting “the character” others want us to portray. My first three-plus decades felt like this. I remember having to do an improv scene in the mandatory high school theater class and I just couldn’t grasp how to make improv work. Now I know that nearly every moment of my life was strictly scripted, with rationed moments of improvisation to perpetuate the illusion of flexibility and the words and looks that suggested that I was just a freak and not fitting in on purpose, and not possibly because of anything organic, formed in me before words and judgments and comparisons.

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  1. Supporting Parents Adapt When A Child Is Diagnosed With A Disorder | Parenting Special Needs - July 15, 2012

    […] Friendship Circle — Special Needs BlogThe Stressors of Special Needs Parenting : Embracing ChaosThe Future of Health NOWAutism: A Brain or Whole-Body DisorderIT’S FOR THE CHILLLDDDRREENNN!! No, really, it’s for a child..a family, really.40 Open Education Resources You Should Know AboutRedefining PerfectThe Meticulous Choreography of Improvisation […]

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