Dark week

14 Oct

This has been a strange week. I have not been awake very much. I sleep through day and into night. Tedious dreams blend with what little tedious reality I meet. This must be a flare of RA. The pain and stiffness have reappeared. The stiffness isn’t as sudden but in my hour or two of awake I scramble to meet demands and wants and I try to fit being a good mama, daughter, wife, niece, friend just under the security grate as it is fastened and locked for the night. I hope this is just a temporary slow down or some sort of healing crisis. There is too much to do and I still have not adjusted to my body’s newest level of stamina. I’m stubborn. I know when my hands and feet and spine start hollering that I’ve done the damage and I’ll keep pushing until my joints lock up and all I can manage is tipping myself over onto my bed. Hoping there is a shift this week and rest and activity will fall into a smarter balance and pain will be more manageable so I can work on the stiffness. I miss participating in my own life. I just want to hang out with my kid and make stuff. Hoping something falls into place so everything else follows suit.

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