Today I was talking to Jeff about some spine info I found on the internet. I haven’t been googling about my shoulder, and my arm being numb and shaky. I was going to do that after the MRI and it has gotten somewhat intermittant rather than constant and constantly worsening… But it’s still there…
And my legs are weak.
So I know something is going on. So I googled. I read aloud to Jeff.
And Alex heard me.
He comes in to the bedroom, smiles and me and
Slams my left knee cap with his solid hardwood toy tool bench hammer.
Shocked the daylights out of me.
He told me “like at the doctors”
I replied “they use a rubber hammer!”
Jeff came to see what the fuss was about and I lost it. I just cried and cried and cried, while I really wanted to laugh but the tears just kept coming. It was funny, by itself it’s funny…..But my body does not agree… My back hurts, it feels like a stack of cement blocks grinding against each other, whittling themselves down to nothing. It’s not just pain, it’s that nails on chalkboard, things not moving right feeling that won’t quit. My right arm isn’t working right, it’s numb or all pins and needles and the intention tremor is worse. And now my legs feel like I just ran a marathon and went on a bar crawl- sore and rubbery, wobbly.
Kiddo feels so bad about the hammer thing. He was trying to help. He is always trying to help me feel better. And that makes me feel so terrible. I want him to focus on being a kid, I want to be able to enjoy his childhood and his life and I really want to participate.
I hope this is just some temporary swelling thing and nothing that requires anything else to drag the last of my energy and my strength away from me.
Will update soon…