Difficult Day…

14 Oct

Love Oma…

Originally uploaded by CleverGirlBek

Had the eval review with the county education folks…

Kiddo has significant impairment and they feel he needs to be in a classroom dedicated to special needs and social communication and fast.

They are suggesting a school that is at least 30 minutes away….That’s 2 hours of driving. 5 days a week. Full days.

They said he can start tomorrow if we can get the public school enrollment stuff together by then.

Finally the psychologist said “or we can work on a gradual transition”….

Lots of leg work to do…

Lots of information to understand…

Lots of lack of funds to keep him in his current school and beef up his therapies and total lack of support from the school district unless he is in the intensive setting.

Frick.

Called my dad to talk about something else and just kind of let it all out.

I mentioned something else about my mom and he mentioned that she has other things going on, since her mom died.

Yes. My Oma died, apparently, on Monday. No, it wasn’t unexpected. She has a major stroke a month ago and has been in a coma and receiving hospice care. She lived in Germany. When I was a kid we visited her and Opa every summer in their tiny little storybook town.
When Alex was born, my mother wouldn’t let me send pictures to Oma in the home, because Oma didn’t want pictures of the baby taking up space. Ouch. Have I mentioned the narcissistic control of information in our family?

Anyway. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed. I’m having a really hard time functioning right now. Part of me wants to pour my wee bit of energy into my raw materials. But the rest of me just can’t move. It’s like when you overfill your cereal bowl as a kid and then put the spoon in to get a bite and…well, you get the picture. My head is at maximum capacity. I’m fixed on one spot. Eyes wide. Tears arriving at regular intervals.

I’m going to bed because my brain and my heart are just so overloaded with the events of today and we have decisions to make but so much conflicting information. And at the heart of it is this little boy who is just so sweet and loving and overly trusting and who sounds like a freaking genius but the reality is he cannot practically use language to communicate. He doesn’t converse. He announces. He may be on the ASD or have Aspergers (scored “highly probable” in both) but to have the specialist look at him we have to take what is a leap of faith for most parents, but we also know we can’t do that. We also know the nuances that make our kiddo unique and wonderful but also make him eligible for these services, also put him at risk for many of the ills of our school system, and of course, our district says our concerns are unfounded but apparently they *have* to say that or they just don’t read the freaking newspaper. Meanwhile, they follow the “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” theory that occasionally gets broadcasted by a frustrated and angry parent but then disappears from view before anyone can actually view it. Also, I just can’t block out the comments on most of the articles about autism and special needs and discipline in our great state of Florida. The overwhelming majority of comments are from people who think that autism, Asperger’s, and the like are nothing more than bad parents and spoiled kids. Some frustrated mom of a kid with autism said “if your kid had cancer, would you try parenting them into remission”….

Anyway.

On most days I am a mac.

Today, I feel like a PC.

And I really need to reboot….
xo
b

ps. the chest in the picture was made by my oma for my childhood dollhouse. I didn’t know she died yesterday. But out of nowhere Alex went to explore our shelves and my treasures, and picked this up…Then he picked up my little glass/mirrored cube with my Swarovski hedgehog/porcupine and birthday cake- gifts from Julie, (dearest friend and my birthmom,) Julie’s mom, my biological grandmother, died before Julie found me. She loved glass and funky jewelry. Alex was intrigued. I was reminded of how interesting life is and how it reconnects people and spirits in the strangest ways….

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One Response to “Difficult Day…”

  1. Sara October 15, 2008 at 6:16 am #

    b, I know it’s hard. we have a similar kiddo situation here. Ignor the ‘bad parenting’ people. I know it’s hard, but their issues, being judgemental a*holes, can’t really be helped either.

    I would seek out a developmental pediatrician before any other specialist. They have such great knowledge and will look at your whole child, not just his educational ‘issues’ or problems or his psychological problems or his physical problems. Our Dev. Ped. made such a difference for us – way more than regular peds or psychs or OTs or PTs.

    I went to our DevPed and asked her to take over because I was tired of turning over every rock or possible therapy or voodoo ritual know to man to help my child. I felt like I was at rock bottom as far as helping my child was concerned. She did an exam, ordered tests and slowly took my child from WAY over medicated zombie to bright little boy.

    I’m sorry about your Oma, too.

    Big hugs for you.

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