Semi-break….

2 Mar

For those of you that don’t know, I am taking a brief break from making custom pieces… My shop is still open, I’m still shipping, but I needed some much needed meditation time… It’s hard. I want to make stuff. I need to make stuff. But I’m pulled elsewhere.  Perhaps all of this time away will refuel my creative tank and I’ll be able to play again… Lots of things are going on in clever-land…  The occupant of much of my brain and heart-space is, of course, my little guy… Tomorrow we head to the new neurologist, as recommended by his occupational therapist, to discuss some of the flags she has seen, and of course, that we have seen.  When she first mentioned the idea of making an appointment she also suggested writing down all of the “quirks” that our guy has.  So for the past month and a half, while waiting for our appointment to come up, I have been looking at my kiddo, and myself, with a magnifying glass that is perhaps too strong.   I spent this past week crying every time he did something that isn’t typical of a regular kid.   I am realizing, with every magnified step that if there was doubt that he is different (and I’m not talking different as in wonderful different- I’m talking about the kind of different where it is hard for him to function in the world just as he is -different)  that doubt has vanished. Part of me dug my heels in today about going to the initial consultation tomorrow.   It’s like folks who dwell in denial- if you don’t go to the doctor than nothing is wrong.  Of course we are going.  Of course going tomorrow doesn’t change anything for the negative.  Going tomorrow is not going to make my little guy different (for lack of a better word). It’s not going to brand him with an affliction.  The only thing that can happen is that we will learn something and be given a giant spotlight instead of the miniature magnifying glass to help us find the tools that can help all of us.   I’m also reminded of when the early intervention folks came for the evaluation almost 3.5 years ago, for his gross motor delays – his pediatrician and neurologist and stay in the hospital and testing had all asked about the things that he didn’t/couldn’t do.  The early intervention social worker asked me “What is he good at?”  and I was floored.  Surely he was good at many things. But we had already been trained to look at the solid negative evidence in front of us and not see the sun breaking free of the clouds.  I’ve kept that lesson- to see the light even when being told to describe only the darkness- because you can, with so many variables have one without the other if you forget to see it all. Anyway, tomorrow we will go and hopefully it will be the beginning of a journey for our family where we will all have the tools to have more good days together.So this is what I’m focusing on… Well, this and reorganizing every bit of anything in our home and my studio so that there will be less distraction for all of us and we can work on having a bit more structure.   My kiddo tends to be pretty black and white about everything and hubby and I tend to be more grey-area, less structured, more artistic….We are trying to find a happy medium…. Hugs all around.  And for the love of pete if someone could tell me why none of my formatting is keeping please please please let me know… :-)

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