Great piece by Lynne Saroya’s Asperger’s Diary: Life through the lens of Asperger’s Syndrome on Psychology Today about self-worth, heroes, and being different.
Archive for the ‘Parenting, Kids, Etc...’ Category
Keeping kids on The Safe Side
October 23, 2009
Seven year old Somer Thompson was abducted, murdered, and thrown away with the trash this week.
There seems to be an endless barrage of tragic news about abducted and abused children. I don’t know if it is happening more frequently, multiple media saturation, or if now that I’m a parent my ears are tuned more toward news relating to kids. We try to regularly review our “stranger safety” plan and emergency plans with our kid, but the necessity of increasing the frequency and intensity of reviewing these plans and practicing our emergency plans is highlighted this week.
Somer’s mom told NBC’s The Today Show :
“It takes just a couple seconds to tell them you love them,” Thompson said. “Tell them you love them because you don’t know what’s going to happen. And just make them aware of stranger danger. I tried with Somer. I feel like I failed — obviously.”
Our little guy tends to be pretty black and white, so when we first discussed the concept of strangers, we found that people like his grandma’s friendly neighbors fell into that gray area and he would just totally freeze up and then freak out- not knowing how to handle the gray area. Because of our extra challenges in teaching our kid so he can actually use the information, I looked long and hard at what was on the market (and online) that could help us explain “stranger danger” to him effectively.
After a little research I found “The Safe Side” a program by John Walsh and Julie Clark (you know- the Baby Einstein lady). They do have a website, but the DVD really helps get the point across in a fun and friendly way, that even my kiddo could understand. It teaches what to do in certain situations and most importantly uses a simple “traffic light” system to help kids remember the rules.
We enjoyed the DVD and I highly recommend it to any parent (kids 9+ might find it cheesy or goofy, but it still brings the message home).
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Remember, try as we might, we can’t be everywhere all the time. Teaching kids safety doesn’t lock them up in an isolated tower, but rather opens up the world to them by giving them the tools to navigate it safely. I remember a time when kids roamed the neighborhood free and only showed up at dinnertime. We do not live in that world anymore and we, as parents, need to educate our kids in different and more intensive and extensive ways than our parents educated us.
Amazon carries the DVD for under $10 (Amazon purchases through this link send a tiny percentage back to us. Woohoo! Thanks in advance!).
TheSafeSide.com’s website also has downloads and printables for parents and kids.
The whole safety thing reminds me of the parable about teaching a man to fish and feeding him for a lifetime. You can isolate your kid and keep them safe (and miserable) by exclusion, or you can teach your child to be safe and you will help keep them safe for a lifetime. The murder of that innocent little girl and the interviews with her mom in the media underscore the importance of frequently reviewing safety information and making sure it is information that our kids can actively use. I am also reminded of all of the “don’t touch, tell an adult” rhetoric given to kids about firearms and matches and lighters and the hidden camera news reports showing the kids doing the opposite of what their parents told them. We need to make sure our kids understand and can actively use and recall safety tactics.
There is nothing neurotic about quizzing your kid before a family outing, visit at a friend’s house, or even using action figures to play out scenarios (we use Playmobil figures as they are pretty generic and equally sized- underscoring the concept that you don’t know who is good or bad or dangerous by appearance alone).
We don’t want to scare our kids, but we owe them, and ourselves, their safety. My son knows about Somer. Her mama sang, with others at a candlelight vigil, “You Are My Sunshine”. I cannot imagine what Somer went through, I cannot imagine what her mama is feeling. I cannot imagine a world without my sunshine.
A little girl named Somer died this week, at the hands of a bad/evil person. Her mother wanted people to know how beautiful and sweet she was and how she wanted to be friends with everyone. (from the NBC Today Show interview)
Let’s do whatever we can to keep kids from being a statistic and another tragic story on the evening news.
Hugs all around.
xo
Bek
Autism & Testing 1-2-3…
October 21, 2009
Originally uploaded by CleverIndie
This is from our local Autism Speaks’ Facebook page:
***Please note that the Care Mobile will also be at the Autism Speaks SWFL Walk Now for Autism on November 7 at Estero Community Park*****
The Children’s Hospital of Southwest Florida, in partnership with the Ronald McDonald House Charities of Southwest Florida, will offer free monthly autism spectrum disorder screening for toddlers 18 months to 36 months of age.
The first screening will be held Nov. 6 from 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the Ronald McDonald Care Mobile, located in the Cape Coral Hospital parking lot. Additional screenings will be conducted monthly at different locations across Lee County.
It is estimated that one in every 150 children is diagnosed with some form of ASD, making it more common than childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined.
That’s why parents are encouraged to bring their toddlers to the Ronald McDonald Care Mobile for a free screening. Clinicians will use the M-CHAT, with Denver Developmental Screening Tool to assess the toddlers. The screening is not intended to make a definitive ASD diagnosis, but rather to determine whether your child may be at risk and needs further evaluation.
Medical consultants for the project stress that an early diagnosis can make a vast difference for toddlers and their families. They say early intensive behavioral intervention, or EIBI, can make an immense difference not just in the development of the child, but in their families as well.
The ASD screening is conducted by the Neurosciences Center at TCH, under the guidance of pediatric neurologist Jose Colon, MD, MPH, and pediatric psychiatrist Marianne Krouk, DO. The onsite screenings will be administered by an Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner, who has extensive training and experience in typical child development and developmental disorders.
A physician referral is not required. To schedule a screening, please call 239-985-3608.”
If you have any concerns, I’d make an appointment. For those who think that a pediatrician would have mentioned something during the annual checkup, I wouldn’t put all of my trust in that, though it is getting better. Remember, getting clarification and help for you and your child, is the best thing for your kid and their future, and the earlier, the better.
Just wanted to share….Hope this helps someone…
xo
Bek
Ticket to the Great Pumpkin Festival
October 2, 2009
Originally uploaded by CleverIndie
We use rolls of carnival tickets as a visual, tangible “token” instead of monetary allowance. This helps him stay on track, helps reduce stress for our whole family, and teaches him the concept of money and hard work.
The tickets accumulating in his bear shaped plastic jar “ticket bank” are another visual and we also track his daily and weekly ticket progress on a task sheet. He earns tickets for everyday chores but we also give him tickets for choosing to play with a toy from his “sensory bucket” (more on that soon, I promise!) and I give him an extra ticket here and there for doing little projects or favors for me. For the special project tickets, I usually write the date and task on the back, so we can reinforce with praise when reviewing the day or week.
Anyway, I was looking at the big bag of tickets he earned over the summer and didn’t want to put them in curbside recycling and I couldn’t reuse them with Alex (he’s very rigid in his thinking- we are working on it but at this time “re-earning” the tickets would totally throw off his game)… So I asked Alex if he could think of a project to do with them.
These necklaces are what we came up with and we make them together(he’s the very enthusiastic glitter department).
$5 of each necklace purchased goes towards Alex’s virtual school fund (he gets tickets/points toward his goal). He is saving up to take language lessons online, through K12.com.
To learn more about Asperger’s please visit NIH’s info sheet
To buy a necklace please visit my Etsy shop.
xo
Bek
A Chip Off the Old SIGG bottle.
September 8, 2009
Originally uploaded by CleverIndie
SIGG was a company many of us trusted. We were led to believe that we were making healthier choices for our families by choosing SIGG’s water bottles. Many of us recommended their products to friends and family, hoping to spread the healthy message of avoiding BPA.
I don’t feel like we drank the kool-aid. I feel like someone slipped something in our drink, in this case it’s in our water.
They claim the amounts of BPA are not able to leach into the water.
Here is Alex’s bottle. See the chips and the damage to the threads? That’s through regular wear and washing-since June 2008. The bottle is always used with a plastic SIGG “sport” top. Our other bottles don’t look like this, thankfully. Even if the BPA in these bottles really doesn’t leach in water, what about the folks that use their bottles for more acidic beverages? How does their supposed non-leaching liner behave then?
And what about when that lining chips off while the thoughtful Mama, trying to do the best for her kid, screws on the top and that little bit of lining enters his mouth, and travels into his stomach?
Does the BPA leach in the digestive system?
What does that BPA do to growth and development in that kid?
I’m curious.
I’m frustrated. I’m disappointed. I’m angry.
I’m exhausted.
Not over the bottles. Or, not completely over the bottles. I guess we have to assume that if damage was done, it has already been done. But don’t take that as me being passive because if anyone contributes to the challenges Alex faces in this world I cannot let it just float into the wind as just a hard lesson learned in the trenches.
So what to do? Right now I’m sitting here looking at 5 bottles and wondering what to do.
Will people ever trust SIGG and their new eco-liner? The company is offering a voluntary bottle exchange- send in your old bottles and they will email you a code to cover the cost of a replacement with the new liner, from their webstore, but that is little consolation to those of us who put our health, the health of our families, our cash, and our reputations on the line.
But do we trust the new liner? Will we ever trust Sigg again?
And when will the FDA catch up with Canada regarding banning BPA?
And what will this stuff do to my kid, who probably has ingested a chunk of it. Or what has it done already?
I think he likes me!
August 22, 2009
Originally uploaded by CleverIndie
I think I need to make a little shrine-like thing of all the amazing things Alex makes for me.
This will be in a frame, next to my “1000 sails” card, the pop-up book, and in front of them will be the “mama rocks“…. This one is extra special because he wrote it without any prompting or suggestions or help from anyone. This was totally under his own steam, from his heart (and from his trains!)
We gave him his zuchertute/schuletute on Thursday- his last day of Pre-Kindergarten. We didn’t want him to be distracted by the treats on his first day of actual Kindergarten. (I’ll post pictures of the cone/tute soon! Promise!)….
He wrote this note on his personalized notepad from ThisIsIt.Etsy.com with his new fountain pen (I realize he is not even 6, but I have always found fountain pens to be easier to write with and he has been fascinated with mine, and it requires a little more responsibility than traditional disposable pens but I thought he was ready) and mechanical pencil….
How cool is this?
I’m thinking of heading to Cafe Press to have them put it on a Sigg water bottle so I can be inspired and feel loved and healthier all day long.
I have a serious case of the warm fuzzies. Going to hug my boy again.
1000 Sails? 1000 SALES!
August 10, 2009
Originally uploaded by CleverIndie
How lucky am I? I have the greatest kid in the world. Shhhh. Let me bask in this. Ok.
This is the front of the card Alex made me to celebrate my 1000th item sold in my Etsy.com shop.
Yes, that is a boat with many SAILS. (which, by the way, has what looks like four portholes but I have been informed that they are bellybuttons because he knew I would think that is hilarious. Hilarious indeed.
I have the sweetest kid in the universe.
You should see the assemblage/vase he made with his daddy for me! I’ll post pictures later this week!
I just packed up 15 orders and I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep! I’m ecstatic over my 1000th sale!
More on that major milestone when I break down the stats (I have to do it, I’m a recovering geek).
xo
Bek
Rolling Rolling Rolling….
August 5, 2009
Originally uploaded by CleverIndie
Keep the dice a rolling
keep the game a moving
don’t ever lose that die!
Rain and wind and weather
hell bent for jenga*
wishing my bro would lose and cry…
*uses a six sided, six color die according to wikipedia.org. Yes. I checked. Would you expect less of me?
We are just getting to the point where playing board games is not eerily reminiscent of my childhood (as an only child, living in the middle of the woods, no cable, and I was the weird kid. I learned to play every game by myself. Even hide and go seek. It’s true. More on that someday. I’m just starting to own that part of me.)…
Alex will sit and play and follow directions (with a great deal of repetition on our part) for a little bit- though his attention is still somewhat short…
All of the games we have happened upon lately seem to have die or dice involved. We have been rockin’ the Monopoly Jr., Clue Jr., and Mouse Trap.
Part of the motor skill challenge has been rolling the die or dice (and actually having it change to a random side). Part of the “I have an almost 6 year old” challenge has been getting him to not pretend to roll it so that he miraculously gets 6 every time, because at almost 6 bigger always seems better even if it gets you sent back to the start of the game board.
We also tend to play around our lovely Noguchi glass coffee table as we can all sit comfortably (and my work is usually overpowering our little kitchen table…Still want my Edison farmhouse table. Someday it will be mind. Someday.) Not only is there glass, there are a few choice knick-knacks near by that are probably not-so-durable and there are two big club chairs and a love seat. My arthritis refuses to get down on the floor to retrieve overzealously thrown dice (actually it’s more of a problem evolving back into an upright position these days).
And I fear glass chips and broken knick-knacks. And face it, my kiddo is wonderful with many things, but his motor skills are a major work in progress.
So here is my solution.
I took a tin with a clear lid (the lid covering is plastic- I do not suggest trying this with a glass-topped tin) that is of the “deep” variety (I got them from SpecialtyBottle.com – the one shown in my image is a 4oz/deep). I popped the die in, closed the lid (the lid isn’t terribly loose but it is not secured outside of friction- so if you feel you need a sturdier hold try some masking or electrical tape around the edges.
And voila! Alex can shake-shake-shake and I no longer have to go fishing for game pieces, the coffee table is intact, and my curios are happy campers and have removed their helmets and safety goggles.
This also helps teach him the rules of “rolling” – he has to give it a few shakes and put it down. This has made a huge difference in his comprehension of rules- those of the game and those little social game play rules. Eventually he’ll roll by himself, but for now this lets us play and show him the joy of playing boardgames as a family. He can focus on playing and not obsessing over this one small part.
The containers are too big to squeeze into most manufacturers game boxes and I like to keep all parts in their respective boxes, so we have one “rolling” container. If he was younger and more apt to try to consume the parts during game play, we would probably secure the lid more permanently.
xo
Bek
Adventures of The Sneaky Chef in the Cave of the Aspie Kid
July 15, 2009
A couple of months ago I intended to blog on this fabulous book (The Sneaky Chef) we had bought, hoping to increase nutritional value for our whole family, particularly Alex. I mentioned Alex’s food quirks and “rules” a little in my post “Islands in the Stream” and promised to check back in about the book.
Well, here I am. A little older, a little wiser, a lot more cooking under my belt than I typically do. I enjoyed my experiments and the creativity exercised in the kitchen. I really enjoyed that because of my abnormal level of fatigue and pain (yay, isn’t arthritis fun!) Jeff did the dishes and the grocery shopping so I could focus on inoculating tasty and fun foods with extra nutrition to make one of kiddo’s primary personal goals (and one of our goals as his parents) come to fruition.
Alex wants to grow up big and strong and healthy.
And we want him to grow up big and strong and healthy as well. (By big we mean: Not frail)
We have always avoided the concept of “the clean plate club” as in my million plus years of Weight Watchers meetings I had seen and heard of the fallout of such parenting & nutritional methods. And, as someone who has been on a diet since 3 weeks old (yes, you heard me: weeks) and I am still experiencing the fallout from that (I’ll cover that in another entry, at another time. Promise.)
So I am particularly sensitive to not taking the warden approach to nutrition. Our goal for Alex, in all aspects of his life, was to give him the tools to be able to make the best decisions, for himself, in his life. This applies to work, health, his personal life, etc… I do want to thank Early Intervention for asking us the important question of what we want for him and his life. We learned to keep it non-specific enough that we don’t suffocate him with our expectations, but enough that we can build goals. Good and important stuff.
So, we decided to start “Sneaky-cheffing” more nutrition into his regular foods and he even helped me (we both got so messy! he didn’t freak out completely! it was wonderful!) prepare a few recipes.
But guess what we found out? Our experiment reiterated that kiddo will probably never eat a casserole or anything remotely resembling a casserole- even homemade macaroni & cheese with real cheese rather than packet of powdery stuff is too much of a multiple texture experience for him. He’ll eat Annie’s Mac n’ Cheese but not the stuff I spent so much time planning and prepping and cooking. He also won’t eat any whole vegetables other than carrots. Think about it: Carrots are the same consistency all the way through- I can’t think of another vegetable that does that…Maybe peeled and cooked potato chunks-but then there’s a certain graininess, and with sweet potatoes a certain stringiness… Anyway, this goes beyond regular little kid dislikes and pickiness- these textures actually make Alex dry heave (or barf. Depending how deep we are into the meal.)
Some ideas from The Sneaky Chef worked beautifully- the idea of adding extra nutrition everywhere has stuck with me- even as far as adding water to a recipe (or instructions on a box)- I don’t add water (well not every time, I still need to work on the planning thing!) but use a nutritious liquid instead. I learned that blueberry juice doesn’t curdle milk and makes a fun colored alternative to plain white milk (or soy milk…Alex seems to change his preferences every couple of weeks)…
I also learned that we can sneak some of the purees suggested in the book into some foods, without objection.
Then Alex saw the jars. Ok, when I first started using the book I made my own purees. But as backups we had the recommended jars of baby food (not all of the purees are available as baby foods, and the homemade purees and mixes are much cheaper and not difficult to make and freeze).
Alex saw the jars. I took a deep breath. He voiced a little panic about baby food being for babies.
So I asked him (remember, he is deeply logical and literal and rule based. Think Spock to the nth power):
ME:Who eats baby food?
ALEX: Babies
ME: Are you a baby?
ALEX: No. I’m a big guy. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGG! (makes war face and flexes and almost knocks himself over)
ME: What do you eat?
ALEX: Big Guy food.
ME: If you eat a cracker is it Big Guy food?
ALEX: Yes.
ME: So if you are not a baby and you eat the stuff in this jar then what is it?
ALEX: I’m not a baby!
ME: That’s right! You are a big guy! SO, if you eat the stuff in this jar & you are not a baby then the food in this jar cannot be baby food! It’s only baby food if a baby is eating it.
If a BIG GUY is eating it, it’s called “PUREE”!
ALEX: I like puree!
ME: YAY!
So, after all of our experiments trying to sneak “puree” into his foods we found out that Alex doesn’t like it mixed in. He likes it plain and separate from his regular food.
Of course, he has to announce, at the start of the meal, “It’s only baby food if a baby is eating it. If I eat it then it’s puree!”. Seriously. He says it every time.
Perhaps, if he adjusts to the taste this way, he’ll be more accepting of various textures eventually. Until then, I’m happy to serve him his vegetables in this manner.
A wise person once said, in regards to parenting, “Pick your battles”.
As he slugs down jars of summer vegetables (a sneaky way of disguising what actual veggies are in there- summer veggies are ok, broccoli & spinach, etc -not so much. Don’t forget, on top of our Adventures with Asperger’s, our Alex is still a kid. Sometimes, I guess that maybe it’s like having twins.) I realize that we both are winning and we can focus on moving forward to bigger and better things. I try to point out that it’s like a bisque, but he corrects me “Puree!”
I still think The Sneaky Chef is totally worth the purchase (Amazon has copies from <$2.00 + shipping to brand new…any which way, I think it's worth it) it was a great jumping off place for figuring out some small ways to enhance nutrition for the whole family.
(We have been getting various supplies through Amazon.com lately- yes, the Prime program is awesome! They do carry Earth's Best in 12 packs and Annie's Mac n' Cheese as a 6 pack- actually, with Prime, it winds up being less expensive than our chain supermarket and they are delivered right to our door. I'll post a link to my amazon store soon, where I'll have all of the things I have mentioned with links, to make things easier for everyone!)
